[Before-> After.]
Edible food comprises of delectable taste and good prentation. -> Any food is edible.
Can buy anything within 1km radius. -> Can't buy SQUAT within 10km radius.
It takes less than 30min. by car to go to another city -> It takes more than 30 min. to get to anything outside the Castle.
Laundry should be divided according to the color, texture and dirtiness of the clothes -> All for one, one for all.
The most gossiped celebrities include, among others, Paris Hilton or Britney Spears. -> It's not weird to see Victoria Beckham and other former spice girl members on magazine covers.
British accent is exotic. -> American & Canadian accents start to appeal more than usual.
Cannot distinguish between subcategorized accents. -> Start judging professors by their accents.
London is a must-go place because it's beautiful. -> London is a must-go place because it has clothing shops.
Tour bus, Washroom, Cell phone, Apartment -> Coach, Toilette, Mobile, Flat
Criticize Stephen Harper or No Mu Hyeon. -> Begin to miss dear ol' Tony.
Don't know how much a pound is worth. -> 10 pounds for a measly shirt? I think not!
Annoyed that cars are so loud during the night. -> Annoyed because cows don't stop mooing.
Some angry hobo shouts outside the class. -> Random ducks start to singing out of nowhere.
Turkeys, ducks and lambs are holiday dishes. -> They are so trivial, being on the menu all the time.
Only the English can bake decent scones. -> I don't know where to get the answer now.
Europe is a faraway land. -> Can go to anywhere in Europe for the weekend.
Can finish long essays within 6 hours. -> Need at least a month to finish one essay.
Wikipedia is a reliable source. -> Wikipedia still may be reliable but don't cite in the essay unless you want to deliberately piss profs off or want to get on their evil side.
Can be friends with teachers; want to do so. -> Profs are not within my interests.
90% is not enough. -> Should be thankful for 75%.
People's goal is to get A. -> It's to pass.
Calculus is a piece of cake. -> ... hel p . . . . . . (end of transmission)
You can still survive without doing readings in class. -> You are f'ing screwed.
Denial doesn't help you get better marks. -> Denial is not only necessary, it's required.
People must pay for condoms. -> People can get it off RA's door. (Quite a decoration, I must say)
The ratio between man:woman = 1:1. -> man:woman = 1:20. NO KIDDING.
Think there is no more drama in college. -> HOPE that there is no more drama in grad school.
College is the best years of one's life. -> YEAH, RIGHT (burst out laughing)
Everyone who applies to get into universities actually wants to study hard. -> People get into university because they have nothing better to do.
Spending 100 dollars on a book is scary. -> Spending 200 POUNDS on a book is necessary.
**Will update some more if they come to my mind...
