Facebook

I hate facebook. Facebook should be included among the mankind's worst inventions.

Why?

Facebook supposedly links people to others who they usually don't interact in off-line life. It is said to loosen up intensity and makes it easier for a person to talk to another. The notion of 'friends' in Facebook is so casual that even non-friends can pretend to be friends. Facebook is an anomaly of a blog which helps one to engage in personal drama more drastically and secretively. It encourages people to form a clique by creating a concept of 'networks' so that others can't join you if you're not a part of a certain community. (I realize, however, that this idea might be refuted by the fact that the system shows all of the other networks you're in, acknowledging the fact that a person does not belong to only one society.)

I've recently been forced to re-activate my Facebook account by our psych professor who opened a group in Facebook for updating her daily lecture materials.

ABOVE ALL RESOURCES.
ABOVE ALL WEBSITES.

She had to choose FACEBOOK.

This is a clear assumption that every student owns a Facebook account.
It is as though, if you don't have one, you're not even a normal human being.

In Facebook, users go off to one another's so-called 'Wall' and write anything that pops into their mind at that exact moment. From the well-known "HEY-WHAT'S UP?" to "YOU TOTALLY ROCK DUDE!", the messages written on the wall vary. This sometimes leads to much of personal drama. In that case, the perp can simply erase whatever that he or she might have written and take no responsiblity what so ever. And, the more time they spend on Facebook mindlessly, a person may receive more messages than others. This is an unique form of showing off one's seeming, meaningless and ephemeral popularity. Ever since Facebook was created, people whose ages range from pre-teen to those who born before colour televisions were invented, people spend an unbelievable amount of time updating their status, uploading pictures from one of million bus-stops and restaurants in Vancouver and so on and so forth.

This is madness.

Sure, we all know that the internet is rarely used in the way it was intended. The only time people use it from something genuinely useful and intelligent is when they are working their asses off for essay deadlines or projects that are overdue.

But Facebook just stuns me with its stupidity and pointless existence.

Lethargic. Book and +

As you can tell from the speed I update the blog these days, there's not much going on. Just some minor discomforts and irritations.

But I've been having some dilemmas. (I always misspell this word but maybe this time I'll be lucky...) Well, not exactly. As close as they can be.

I really want to study, but when I open the textbooks, I lose all motivations. Econ txt is not that bad but psych... man. How can they screw it up so badly? Don't even get me started on math txt. It's really, really f'd up. I'm pretty sure both psych and math txt books were chosen without having been scrutinized. Psych txt book has a little section summary attached to each one and it actually has summarized the 'functions' of this txt book.
Seriously, man... aren't they supposed to put those in the preface or something? Why would they put in the middle of talking about psychology? The preface is pretty long too, so why not just slip it in there? I don't understand. If this author is knowledgeable in psychology, he should've been more careful in putting this book together. I cannot imagine why it should be so unbearably boring. Pysch was supposed to be fun! Now it's one of my worst subjects... so far.
And math... Okay, maybe it's because we've been talking about limits and the prof is not that efficient in teaching us... Still.

Let's just say thank god econ book is okay.

Psych prof already gave us essay topics. It's due November. We haven't even learned most of these and she expects us to finish it within a month... That's just great. I begin to feel like we're lab rats in her experiment - to see if we can actually finish them decently. I really hate psych class... I want to drop it but there's nothing else to take. Other subjects are even worse. I keep saying hopefully hopefully over and over again. It's not helping!
But I guess there's nothing else left for me but just to hope and do my job...

A moment ago Natalie and Ryiko came by and told me how it went in London. Apparently Natalie and Elaina's hostel was horrible beyond imagination. Now I know I'll have to book holiday inn or best western. With my roommate Fiona too, we talked about how much we long to go real shopping and about our former favourtie clothing lines. I was feeling a little down lately but right now I feel slightly better. I think today was the loudest we've ever been in our room...

My room pictures

No explanation needed... Details have been added underneath each photo in English.
http://blog.naver.com/chris84bloom/140042669187

Volunteer work

I tried to join volunteer work for cat protection in Hailsham but it just doesn't work with my schedule.

They require mondays and wednesdays. Monday is sort of okay but only provided that I don't have math test sessions. And I don't want to take chances. That would be unreasonable. And wednesday... The busiest day in the week for me. I guess British cats and I are star-crossed lovers.

This really sucks. Selfishly speaking, I didn't really care if I contribute to the community by volunteering. I just sought an opportunity to be in contact with cats. ARGH.

My cat-love meter is dangerously low. I might wander around farm fields in search for random farm cats to pet them. I need a healthy dose of stroking kittens and listening to their purring. :(

Skype

Today I only have optional math classes but since I don't have any questions to ask and I'm feeling a little restless, I stayed in my room.

I talked to my parents for like 2 hours using Skype and to Steph too, even though it was pretty brief. Just now I talked to aunt Meehyun. I caught her going home from work... luckily. She couldn't believe that I had called her. I guess when you're out of the country you get a bit of that celebrity feeling, when people are so glad to hear from you... for the first time, that is. I'm pretty sure they will be un-impressed once I start calling them three times a week.

I have to admit that I feel a little excited to be able to call my family and friends pretty much any time... as long as I don't bother my roommate.

Today is the laundry day. I like doing laundry. And hopefully this time there won't be a disaster regarding ruined whites...

Sunday Afternoon

I didn't think I'd enjoy weekends all that much but I'm surprised to find myself actually in a (relatively) good condition. In fact, above all moods, I'm in the studying mood.

So I finally did some math problems. I just have to finish up the quiz-prep questions later on or maybe on Monday. I still have readings to do for econ and psych. The latter is especially painful. Psych is not turning out to be what I expected... but hopefully it will get better once we get past the history part.

I feel very neutral - the best there is.

London Pics and More

London pics: http://blog.naver.com/chris84bloom/140042519772
Some other pics: http://photolog.blog.naver.com/chris84bloom/4251083

Now that I feel better than Yesterday, I should probably discuss some of the things I enjoyed in the London trip.

With the rest of the Math class (some of which were mysteriously missing), I went up to the Royal Observatory in Greenwich. Yes, UP. And I mean that quite literally. The freakin' thing is on a freakishly steep hill and it drained stamina from me. (That's a little Diablo talk.) Because I was so tired, I didn't take much liking to the place. It was pretty unimpressive and dull. But I did enjoy the fresh air up there. After we looked around, Ryiko and I went down and while she was looking for something I lay on the grass and relaxed. I hope to do that more often.
But as much as I enjoyed being in the park, we couldn't find the right direction to the way out. The map was very confusing... or maybe it was because I have absolutely no sense of direction... (I tend to remember ways according to the buildings around me and there wasn't any building. ... Obviously. And there was no road signs. Thus, even though there was street names present on the map, it didn't help us much. But after some wandering, we finally found the way out and also, a tea house. I first thought a tea house was one of those really delicate, aristocratic places in which I should feel very out of place. But... man. It was just a cafeteria posing as a tea house. We had some snacks there and talked. I felt slightly better. I get very anxious when I feel like I'm not moving according to the schedule or very lost. Anyways...

It's a new day today and I think I'm going to do some basic necessity shopping and hopefully, getting some homework done. I have a lot of time so it shouldn't be a problem.

But I must admit that after yesterday I feel curiously down and subdued. I don't know why.

Tired of Containment

I finally called mom and like I had imagined I started crying. Apparently this worries her a great deal. I guess it gave her the worst view of my life right now. She's disappointed that I'm still a weakling I was before. What did she expect? I don't want to call her anymore. - which doesn't matter, because now she knows my phone number.

I wasn't asking for help. I just let it go. Now I'm a little pissed, not sad. So way to go, mom.

I was tired of trying to contain what I really felt so just for a half an hour I purposely failed. What am I saying? I'm not even making sense anymore.

I'm so tired. I should probably wash my face and all that but I don't want to do anything right now. The plan was to watch the movie with the people I know but I just told Ryiko to go by herself. This is just not the day I want to have fun.
London wasn't so much fun and I hated being dragged among a bunch of people.

I feel like talking more but I'm a little too stressed, distraught and angry to keep writing. I'd better wrap it up now and get ready for bed.

More Castle & London Pictures

I used "photolog" for change and it turned out to be no different from this regular blog posting. (...)
http://photolog.blog.naver.com/chris84bloom/4250177
This time I captioned it with Korean so all you English only speakers will have to deduce facts from the pics. Today I was just so sick and tired of speaking English (despite the fact that I'm writing in Eng. right now...)

The second posting, however, is all in English. So enjoy.
http://blog.naver.com/chris84bloom/140042502231

Disclosure

If you're not getting emails from me, it's not that I've forgotten about you guys.
It's because it just saddens me so much and makes me burst into tears even to write to you.

I cannot guarantee this reason will continue on but it stands for now.

English, Spanish and a bit of Comfort

Again, I am bound to forget to talk about "comfort" part so here goes:
This morning, before Ryiko and I went into our English class, we stopped at the dining hall and had breakfast like usual. Today we were joined by Christine, who are in the same Math group as we are. She said she was homesick particuarly today so we got to talk about how much we want to go home. It was nice to find someone else talk about such things. I had always thought I and Ryiko (maybe Leah too) were the only people who find it hard to get used to living here. I felt relieved that there was another person who feels the same way. I hope us three can stick to each other and give each other strength.
I tend to befriend people who are quite introverted and timid. By contrast, I always come off as the person who's outgoing. Hmm. Do I subconsciously but purposefully make friends among such people due to this reason? I cannot tell. ... Interesting.

Okay, so English. I brought my laptop to class and it proved to be quite useful. I could type almost everything what everyone said (although I blocked out most of the invalid points.) And, although it was just the second class, I raised my hand and contributed to the class... even though it was just once. But better than nothing, I think.
We were discussing Sonnet 138 by Shakespeare, Talking in Bed by Larkin and On My First Sonne by Ben Johnson. I hadn't known the first two before this class so I pretty much listened to what others said. But I had to say something when some people were wandering about what the couplets in the end meant. COME ON PEOPLE. Seriously... I expected most of the people to have taken literature. I guess not.
And about On My First Sonne... one girl was totally off in interpreting - and I mean off. She got carried away so far that I couldn't believe I was hearing them. ... am I too harsh? I guess this can happen to anyone. (But, the difference is that even if that happened to me it wouldn't matter because I would just keep it to myself to see what happens next. Cowardish.) But it was pretty bearable and somewhat interesting.

PSYCH. The long-expected psych. Thus, below the expectation. Maybe it's more so because I'm sick. The professor has a very clear, loud voice. Normally I would very much appreciate it but today it just hurt my nerves. And she made copies of her powerpoint notes, defeating the purpose of my laptop. I guess I should be thankful. It's not all that interesting because we're talking about the history and all... not to mention different parts of our brain which affect our daily function and whatnot... Not pretty.

Tomorrow we go to London. Most of the people... probably, will be staying for the weekends. I hope so, so I can enjoy some space here.

Totally random, but...
I miss Leon so much that I could cry.

Economy and another Spanish

I had a very intense dream last night... no, actually this morning between 6:30 and 7:20am. So when I woke up I was exhausted a little bit. But it was okay.

Econ was better than what I had expected. The prof is a bit of a wacko. The way he speaks is very informal and pretty fast. But it's not hard to understand as long as I focus. We already some stuff in the first class. I'm supposed to have two econ classes but the prof said there won't be an afternoon class until the third week, because that class will be spent to solve questions and whatnot. So bravo. Next class I'm definitely bringing my laptop with me. To English, too.

Spanish was, like yesterday, very easy. Now that I talked to profesora, she sometimes looked at me as though she pitied me (harhar) and kept on asking "muy facil (very easy), no?" or "are you bored?" It would've been better if the class was more intellectually stimulating for me but I didn't mind. If I don't practice even the most basic stuff, I'll forget them very quickly. I think I already forgot how to cojugate some of the irregular verbs to past forms...

Oh yeah... and I took the cough relief pill before Spanish which was for night time. It was the only pill for cough relief so I just took it anyway. I guess it did work but it also made me very drowsy. I took a very good nap for about an hr and a half, I think. Actually I'm a little sleep still. But I don't want to sleep anymore how tired I may be.
This cough is really annoying... not to mention runny nose and sinus congestion. I know they'll go away soon but aaaagh.

On friday we go to London. Our math people will go to the Greenwich Observatory and look at some stuff while others have free time. Damn.

I'm too tired to type any more.

Math, Spanish, English and Melancholy

I'll probably forget to talk about it so I'll just explain what that Melancholy part is.
These days I am sometimes overwhelmed by the thought that my old friends in Vancouver have already forgotten all about me and have had me replaced by someone else. I realize this might be just needless worry... or is it? Me being in England, trying to establish a brand new circle of trust is just so different from what my friends may be trying to do. They have some acquaintances to stick around if they haven't made new friends.
I heard from Albee that Steph already knows everyone and has made lots of friends. Good for her, but I feel sad. I'm slowly moving on and yes I do have some people I'd like to call friends. Still... I'm afraid when I come back in December, my Vancouver friends won't have any time for me. I'm half mad and half sad when I think about such possibilities.
Seriously... if they have already someone else to replace me, fuck them all. (I guess loneliness does make people offensive...)

Okay, on to the more academic and relatively better stuff:

I had my first real Math class today and it was quite... dull; well, in the sense that it repeated some stuff. It was some Math 12 stuff and pre-calc - which was okay, because I needed some refreshers. I look forward to doing some real calculus stuff, though... before I forget. We only have 5 people in class (because other people chose other small groups) and it's a comfortable environment to speak up my mind. So that's a relief. I already have tons of stuff to do. It's homework that is not mandatory. I personally think that's even more horrible than homework we must do because its connotation is "it's good if you do, but if you don't, prepare to do some extra work." AGAIN, a command disguised as a choice. ugh.

The second class was Spanish. Like I expected... very very very basic stuff. Profesora spoke in Spanish all the time. I'm thankful that Grant, my Spanish 12 tutor, practiced that with me. (although back then I had a difficulty understanding some of them.) But one problem is that she's teaching SPANISH-SPANISH. What I've learned is Mexican (Latin American) Spanish. I talked to Profesora (that he estudiado espan~ol en mi escuela secundaria pero es espan~ol mexicano) and she said it was not a problem and she won't mark me wrong even if I write in such a fashion. Great. Not a problem.

The last class was English and it was an evening class after dinner. The teacher is... well, what can I say? Like everyone else, a typical British guy who looks a bit neurotic. Suddenly I missed Ms. Ignacio so much, and Mrs. Nannery too, especially when I got the reading material which contained Ben Johnson's "On My First Sonne." Aaagh. I'll have to cope anyway...
I like English classes and it was my favorite back in high school but... will it still be favorite here? I'm not so sure. Maybe I shouldn't judge a book by its cover. I hope it will be.

It'd suffice to say every class (sadly except English) is my favorite so far. I like Math because of its small class size and stress-free environment (yet to be determined though) despite the prof's potential to make me fall asleep with his gentle, low voice. And of course, I like Spanish because it's super easy and profesora is very enthusiastic.
Tomorrow I have econ(omy) and another Spanish. Econ will be a bit of a challenge because it's early in the morning (starting 8:30am) and is said to be difficult. Oh well. It's divided into two blocks but they're well separated. Spanish is stuck in between but it still has some time apart, too.

On another matter... I've been having some acne problems. I don't know why it's acting up right now. What a perfect timing... Lotions and whatnot don't seem to be working. I think it's mainly because I'm stressed. Hopefully it will go way before too long.

Another morning post

I've been going to bed very early these days. The latest I've gone to bed is 11:30 and it happened only once after we watched Happy Gilmore in a common room. I wish I could be one of those people who are awake till 2am and worry about waking up early. Or do I? I used to be one of them in Vancouver. ... Okay, maybe not.

But the fact that I go to bed early is a proof that I haven't settled in. The usual me would not go to bed before midnight. Getting tones of homework might help me stay awake that long. And I think it will happen pretty soon.

Having a roommate is sometimes good because from time to time I don't want to be alone and just have someone by myself although we may not talk. But most of the time I DO want to be alone and enjoy solitude all by myself. My roommate is almost just like me, though. It is a bit weird to see. She wouldn't probably think that I'm like her, but how she behaves and talks is pretty similar to the normal me. Oh well...
I'm mostly very content living with her but I am afraid I might go a little crazy during the night. As some people know, when I am stressed, even at a subconscious level, I sleeptalk and sometimes sleepwalk. Heavy, uneven breathing is just another thing. I hope she's sound asleep enough not to hear me should I ever do such things (or have done).

Last night, for some reason, I was so tired that I just went to bed without brushing my teeth and washing my face. I was watching Amelie on iPod and just slipped into a dream. My roommate came 'home' around 10:30pm and I was awake for like two minutes. I thought about brushing my teeth and stuff but I was just too tired to care. I wonder why.

Yesterday dinner was pretty unpleasant. They had chilli, which I really like, but they almost ran out by the time I got there. I couldn't take all of the rest, out of good will. (Riiiiiiight...) I took chicken as well and... oh-em-gee. OMG. It was tasteless as hell. I almost felt sorry for the chicken whose life was sacrificed for this abominable dish. There was no seasoning at all. It was just... cooked. Edible. Outside that 'edible' area, Nada. I almost never leave food lying about on my dish when I'm done, because of what might happen after death, (hardy har har) but this chicken... i just had to let it go.
Chilli was quite good except the rice was horrible. There is a Korean expression which refers to "grains of rice sticking up upon one's tongue." This usually applies when the person doesn't have an appetite (thus forcing oneself/being forced to eat) or is under stress/pressure while eating. It doesn't necessarily have to do with critiquing the cook's skill to serve a bowl of rice. ... In my case... it was quite literal. It actually stood up. I wondered if the rice was even cooked properly. But I was a bit hungry in the sight of chilli so I just ate them without complaining. (Besides, a student service manager was right in front of me... It wouldn't be 'dulce et decorum...' - a little literature joke right there.)

My parents will probably be relieved when I say I haven't lost appetite since the first two days. I think, because the former ISC occupants at UBC forewarned us how horrible the food quality was, it seemed relatively okay.

Today I have another math (this time REAL class), Spanish and English. I have all of those with people I know except for English. And it's at night. (7:30~8:50.) I hope I don't freak out when I walk back to the dorm. Academic wise, today should be pretty easy. Math is okay because I've done some calculus and my knowledge is far more recent that other people (because they took it in Gr.11 and forgot the most) -if I have any, that is- and Spanish... come on. I've got freakin' 92% in Spanish 12 provincial exam. Of course I'm gonna fry the others. (Now I'm really cocky...) But English... well... I'll see how it goes. It's just a first class and she/he'll spend most of time talkinga bout the course outline. .. hopefully.

Math & Laundry

So it was my first class today. It was math, almost 3 hrs in a row. But we didn't even do anythinga bout math. We just got course outline handouts. For the rest of 2 and a half hrs, our prof talked about constellations, stars, ships... that sounded more astronomy. I remember a little from that class. The weird thing is that he broke our class into small classes in which we'll actually learn something. I'm in Tuesday 11:30am slot with Ryiko, my roommate Fiona, Christine (yes, another Tine here) and another girl I haven't met. So on Mondays, I don't have any class. So much for monday attitudes...

But right now I'm a bit distraught because my first laundry didn't go too well. It's nothing catastrophic, actually. In the first load I put my PJs and socks. I was going to divide the load into three but the charge was too expensive (2 pounds per use) so in the second one, I put everything else, including one pair of jeans, underwears, a pink striped GAP Tshirt and a white vinyle jacket. SERIOUSLY... I thought it would be okay... Beside, it wouldn't make much sense to put in just one pair of jeans alone. So against my precautions, I threw everything in there.

At first it seemed alright. I didn't notice anything. I sensed that the whites I put in were somewhat blue but I thought it was just optical illusion. I think I stayed there almost an hour and a half in total.

When it was finally done, to my dismay, I found my whites in baby blue color. Luckily the color spread out evenly... Damn it. And my white bra became a blue one. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. Luckily the GAP Tshirt was not ruined. It looked pretty okay. But the vinyle... it wasn't spotted anything, again, just evenly distributed baby blue shade. STILL. AAARGH.

I guess all this could have been prevented if I restrained myself from throwing in jeans there. But it was pretty dirty (as it was bought recently and had never been washed.) DAMN DAMN DAMN. But I should count myself luckily because there was no white Tshirt or a blouse.

But I learned my lesson now. NEVER PUT JEANS WITH WHITES.

I think I used wrong kind of soap too. It's not exactly soap but conditioner. But when I checked the items were pretty clean so I decided to let this one pass by. Besides, it was a borrowed one. When I go to the ASDA (wallmart kind of thing) I'll pick up some real laundry detergents... and maybe a bleach... lint papers....
I just hope to God I don't burn my clothes. I left them downstairs right now because it takes so much time. I put it into a weak cycle. There was one with 'no heat' sign but I wasn't sure so I just turned the knob to the weak heat one.

I don't know why I am sad over this stupid, minor mistake. There wasn't even long term damage. Is it because I partly ruined my clothes or because I have more classes ahead of me? Aaaagh.

Shopping

It's nothing compared to the ones I'm used to, like I did in Canada, but I did some shopping when the whole school went to Brighton today. (At first I thought Brighton was a nickname for Britain...)

This was the first time I've been there so I wouldn't know if it's busy like this all the time. It kind of reminded me of Myeong-dong in Korea. Maybe it was because it's the heritage week this weekend, but there were lots of tents selling a variety of food. I bought a pork BBQ on a stick which cost 1 pound. (It's really simple to calculate cost here because unlike Canada there's no GST or PST. What's displayed as the price is what you'll be asked for.) It was pretty good, except it was a bit cold. Had it been sizzling, it would've been better.
And then Ryiko and I went to the Body Shop. Not many people know this but the U.K. is the home of the Body Shop, so in I went. I couldn't tell if it's any cheaper than it is in Canada. I had already bought shampoo, conditioner and body wash at the Castle shop (which I find it moderately satisfying... although I haven't used it yet) so I only bought a coconut-scented hand wash and a pair of body wash gloves.
We went to the several sportswear shops and then were joined by Leah and Rebecca, girls from my corridor group. (Rebecca is only visiting though.) And then Ryiko had to settle her cellphone problem. We went to a store named 'Phone4u.' Ryiko couldn't get any help from there because it wasn't their job to unlock the phone. So she had to go to another place.
But I actually got a cellphone. (Or a mobile, as they say it here.) Like my original phone, it's a Sony Ericsson, but an older model. I thought of getting the cheapest one but I knew that I wouldn't even want to look at it. Still the one I picked is among the cheap ones. I had a bit of panic attack when they didn't accept my credit card. They only accepted cards with chips, for some reason. The salesperson couldn't explain which cards had those. Anyways, luckily I had cash on me so I topped up 50 pounds worth of talk & txt. This is a pay-as-you-go phone so if I don't use them all while I stay here, I can use it when I come back or lend it to someone who will go to England. I think, once Ryiko gets a cellphone, it'll be pretty much gone.

Because I'm still sick, it was tiresome for me to walk around. I feel like I've been beaten like a thin metal. Although I can breathe, breaths go out very unevenly. Sometimes I feel chilling air through the nostrils and I can tell you it's a very very unpleasant feeling. AAAGH. The throat still feels a little tough but better than yesterday. I've eaten almost 20 halls candies now. I might empty the Castle shops' halls stock...

Now that I buy some stuff of my own, I feel a bit settled. Sharing everything with everyone has been a bit uncomfortable for me. Especially when I go into the shower, I feel a little grossed out because who knows what kinds of bacteria live on the surface? I'm not a total neat freak but still...

We were supposed to pack lunch for this trip (we left at 10am and came back at 4:30pm.) I made a bit of tortilla-style wrap with lettus, tomatoes, chicken, tuna and some tabasco sauce. I didn't have much time to eat it during the trip. So I ate it just now and it was better than I thought. I should give myself more credit on that...

Oh, and we went to the University of Sussex library. But it was very pointless. Basically what they wanted to do was to show us that the library was there and we can use it for research. It's good to know, but was it really necessary to be there for almost an hour?

Tonight I get to meet professors. And tomorrow is when the classes start. I only have two math classes tomorrow. But in a row... that kind of sucks.

I've been looking forward to study all week and now I'm a bit scared. I hope I survive.
Tired tired tired...

Photos...

Long-waited photos...
Blogger photo uploading system sucks so I put them up with Naver. They are all in my Korean Blog but I wrote details in English. So fear not.

Be sure to open it in a new tab or window so you can compare it with my posts here...
http://blog.naver.com/chris84bloom/140042294380

The title is numbered so the sequels will follow soon. They are pretty much the similar pics so I don't really see any point uploading them, but I guess they will mean a lot to people who have never been here.

Finally some good news, people

I don't know why but I feel a little better today. My throat kind of hurts still but it's not as bad as yesterday. I've taken some pills and I think they did their job (or a part of.) Today at the orientation people explained the extra curricular activities and they actually seemed pretty fun. I'm going to join the choir and maybe astronomy. I thought about joining kick-boxing but today was the beginner's testing day or whatever and I'm not feeling well yet. Now I have runny nose; a good sign, actually, because I always have a soar throat first and then runny nose and get out of the cold itself.

I have a plenty of free time today except for that annoying 'ice-breaker' at 7 pm. But I made a friend within my corridor group so it shouldn't be too much of a problem. I looked at the calender for the fall term just now and I must say it's looking pretty good. I have occasional field studies but that's about it. Meaning, I don't get hauled everywhere. I made some wise decisions for pre-rez. Yay for me and dad who advised me on that matter.

I actually feel good enough to want to play some games. I might play the Sims2 after I write this post. Being sick does have some upside, like I said yesterday. With pills in effect, I feel a little drowsy but not too sleepy so I'm not so lucid on the fact that I'm going through some difficult stuff. It's like I'm drunk but not intoxicatd. ... Follow me?
Still I miss home very much and am certainly not ready to call mom. I might call my family sometime next week, when I'm ready to cry like hell. Speaking of which - it'd be really hellish to call her right now because I have runny nose as it is.

Ryiko has a friend (actually her boyfriend's friend) in London and he sent her a SIM card for her cellphone so she can use it here. But she has a bit of a trouble getting it done. We were going to walk around the Castle, taking pictures but she's stuck in that phone problem. I think I'm going to get it done when I go to London next week if possible. I'll send you guys the number if that ever happens.

I feel better already thinking about classes. (Am I a genuine nerd or what?) I think I'll definitely be okay here once I get to studying. I'm a bit relieved that I don't have many field studies, because that means I have only a few mandatory ones and get my work done but also have a choice to get on board with other classes. It'll be a pain in the butt to go off to somewhere every weekened. Apparently that's not going to happen to me. Spanish class doesn't have it until next term, Liz (Student Service Manager) said.

I took a look at past exams at the internal website and man... I think I underestimated calculus class here. Although some look familiar, there were so many things I didn't understand. I don't think the fact that I got 95% in Calc12 overall will mean anything here. I thought I got a headstart by taking Mr. Bohnen's 'University-level-calc-disguised-as-Gr.12-one' class. Maybe I'm worrying too much. And I like challenges in terms of academics. So hopefully it'll be okay.

Tomorrow, on Sunday, we go off to the town around the Castle. Some people have already been there. And then, on Monday, finally classes begin. My first class is Math and it doesn't begin until 10am. My earliest class is Economy which is on Wednesday. But I've been such a nice, well-scheduled girl since my arrival (meaning I've gone to bed early and woken up early) so it should be okay.

I'll post some more in the evening if I feel like it.

+ I fixed the time setting so postings will be shown in London time now.

+ TO PEOPLE WHO ARE WONDERING ABOUT CUSAP:

CUSAP is a joint university program in which several institutions send their students to study at the International Study Center (ISC) in the Herstmonceux Castle. I'm not sure if they do this for other locations. Queen's University is the one that organizes everything. UBC is among many participants. I get credits for the programs I complete in here when I get back to UBC. So, even though I'm studying in England, I'm still a UBC student. I hope this has satisfied your curiosity and any confusion you may have had when you heard me saying that I'd be studying in England.

Sick

Last night, some people were talking pretty loud outside. My roommate told them to keep it down through the window but it didn't work. The girls next door were noisy, too. I went to bed at 9-ish again but unlike yesterday, I didn't feel recharged. And that's when I noticed my throat hurts.

At first I didn't really pay attention to it (or I didn't want to) because sometimes in the morning it does swell up. It hurts even now after taking some pills for it and halls candies. AAARGH. I don't know what the hell happened. It wasn't even cold last night. I guess my body is really vulnerable to virus right now. I don't want to do anything but sleep.
But I promised Ryiko that I would go to the pub with her tonight so hopefully, after I take a nap, I'll feel better. Maybe it's because having a soar throat is a minor thing, but I don't feel particularly alone or sad right now. I'm just very annoyed and tired. Actually being sick really gets me down to the basic... I think. Still I'll be irritated if this thing doesn't go away soon. I can't have sickness right now, when I'm unwillingly following the group schedules.

I really look forward to going to classes but not so much for field studies. Luckily for unluckily the courses I take don't really offer many. The first one I'll have is to London and that applies to everyone. And after that, about two weeks later, I have Psych field trip. I don't exactly know where we're going though.

I want to update photos but I just don't feel like it. I don't have that many to post anyway.

Ryiko keeps saying things about not coming back here after Christmas and how she thinks she doesn't belong here. That really gets me down because I don't want to think I don't belong here. If she does leave, it'll be really hard for me to stay. But knowing my parents, they will never ever allow me to return home, half finished, despite the pain and suffering. And I know it'll get to me everytime as a painful record. I don't want to give up, I can't, but...
I don't know.

And people expect me to post up really up-beat things... GOD. What did you really expect? Did you expect I'll be happy from the beginning? Stop giving me encouragement and saying "oh, you'll be fine once you get settled down." Do you think I don't know that?
I realize my family and friends just want to give me some reassurance but...
that's really not helping me and it just causes me more pain and sadness.

...
Okay, I guess having a soar throat CAN make me more irritable and fragile.

I just want to be serious and this place is not serious at all.

+ The power had come back on when I returned the room the same day. Thank god.

Tourists

As promised in the faithful orientation week guide, we did touring around the castle as well as the garden area. But before we did, we gathered in the ball room (sounds fancy but it's just a big room, nothing more) and listened to the staff introducing themselves. There was a guy from the Castle pub also and he sounded pretty funny. A retired police officer came to tell us to be careful when we go downtown. He kept on insisting that Sussex is the safest county in England and the part we live in is the safest in Sussex. Yet he kind of scared me with 'what might go wrong.' Now I'm too scared to go to even London. And I've been to London already.

The Castle is, although it doesn't seem very vast, pretty big. It's actually worse than those 'so-big-and-empty' kinds (like UBC) because of its twisted design. The corridors are narrow and there are hundreds of doors. There's a room called 'Drummer's Room' and is supposedly haunted. The guide lady told us she's never seen it but people reportedly have seen a headless drummer boy or heard the drum. Weird... I know I won't go there. (The pub is named the Headless Drummer too so I guess it is kind of unofficial mascort...)


After this we went off to the field around the Castle with an old man who seems to be... I didn't know who he was. Anyways... It was possibly the most boring, fruitless tour I've ever gone. Still, I got to know someone from my group other than my roommate. She's timid around new people like I am. I'm glad she broke into the first conversation.

I'm beginning to understand why I feel so disoriented over here.
I'm a control freak and here I don't have any control over anything. In Vancouver, if I had problems at school, I could just deal on my own because it was a familiar environment. If I needed something, I would just go out to the marketplace and get them. Now... I'm breaking down. I can't even contact my newly acquaintances like I did back home. If I want to do something with them, I always have to go up to their room and knock. It'd been easier to knock had we had private rooms.
At the tour, I felt so alone despite the fact that I rather enjoy solitude...

It still feels like I'm dreaming. The half of my sanity doesn't want to accept this as the reality. When I woke up in the middle of the night, everything felt so surreal. It felt kind of sad. No matter how much I'd like to deny, I can't do anything about it. I guess not being in the homeground does affect me a lot. - But it is really weird that some people aren't.

I really hate this week's schedule. Everything's all about (alleged) fun and getting to know each other, everything we're supposed to be hopped up about and scream yay.
I just want to be left alone. I just hate the assumption, the assumption that believes grouping random people will result in making friends. AAAAARGH.

I'm so frustrated. I feel like I'm at some kind of crappy camp that I can't get out till Christmas.

Sometimes I feel like crying but I never let myself do so. I know, once I begin, I won't be able to stop it quite easily. I try to convince myself that being here is way better than staying at home.
My home, which I called the Versailles because of psychological wars and unseen spies. It was my home nonetheless...

So tired. I'm hungry but I don't want to eat anything.

The Morning

Another day begins.

I actually had a good sleep except for few occasions I woke up in the middle of the night. My roommate went to bed at 9 pm so I did so as well. And I'm glad she did. While everyone was getting ready for bed around 10:30, I was in my bed sleeping. And I woke up at 6-ish am (which almost never happens unless I have the alarm on) and took a shower at 7. I was afriad that it might be crowded and I think I should continue to wake up at 7.

And I did the unpacking. I'm pretty sure the supervisor won't let Ryiko and I get the same room and even if she does it won't be until next week. So I just took everything out.

Now is almost 8:30 in the morning. When I woke up I was so thirsty and hungry, so I ate the canned peach I brought from the plane. I'm still thirsty though.

Oh and my roommate just killed the power outlet in our room. So I don't know... are we supposed to get a new room now? I don't really care except that my laptop only goes up to 2 hr max.

I think I'm gonna head to breakfast. Let's see what this day brings...

A Great Beginning... (I kid)

I'll update you on details with photos in the future posting. For now, I feel like I'm out of time even though I'm safely in my room.

I met Ryiko, a friend I met at the CUSAP (Canadian University Studying Abroad Program) orientation, at Vancouver int. Airport at 3:30pm. She was there already (apparently with her boyfriend.) I only allowed my dad to escort me to the check in because I knew I would get emotional with my mom. Well, I think I made the right choice.
Ryiko and I tried to get sits together but our CUSAP-designated travel company already assinged our sits. Ryiko asked the person beside her if it'd be possible to switch seats, but he/she refused to do so. I think the person wasn't a part of our group, thus unwilling to sit between loud, excited teengers. So I sat where I was supposed to.
One thing really hit me in the head was that everybody seemd to be acquainted with each other already. I expected them to be a bit timid to talk. But I was wrong. Either a) they already knew each other (which sucks, because there could've been a friend from St. Pat's too,) or b) they're just so outgoing and sociable that they can't restrain themselves.
From UBC, only Ryiko and I are 'true' Asians - meaning, we weren't born here. There's only one guy, Justin, who goes to the same church with me. The way he behaves and talks is totally Canadian so I can't really relate to him. Because Ryiko was scared nad panicking as well, I felt relatively calm if not subdued. Even when we boarded the plane I didn't feel anything. I felt just like I was just going away for a couple of days.

Even when we arrived... it felt just like Vancouver. But wait. I have a very disturbing yet painfully memorable story to tell about Heathrow (or how the hell ever they spell it) Airport.

When I got off the plane and went to where we get stamps on our passports, Ryiko was tied behind. I waited for her because I knew how alone she would feel if I just went away. Soon she moved away to a place where it says 'Health Control.' For a few seconds I thought she was going to the washroom or something. But no... I waited and waited but she didn't come out. I saw other UBC students going away to reclaim their baggages and waited until only I was left behind. I started to panic. What if I lost them? What if Ryiko was already downstairs?
I knew it's cowardish but I was all alone and no one was around to hel me. So I hoped that Ryiko would find her way to wherever other people were.

Fortunately I was able to unload my two 23kg (each) trunks out of the rail thingy. I decided to wait for Ryiko just for few more minutes in case she was finished.
I felt like my stomach was being eaten away by acid. She wasn't coming down and everyone was leaving. WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?? I yelled at myself inside.

When I decided to leave without Ryiko, it was too late. I didn't see any familiar faces. Somehow I remembered something about going to Terminal 3 and I followd the signs on the wall. But it was very strange... I seemed to be going down and down. It seemed like a subway station and turned out to be it was for trains.
I was so close to having a heart attack. Should I take the train? No. I don't think that's what I'm supposed to do. But maybe when I get off the train, there will be everyone else!

MAN.
Had I boarded that train, I would've gotten into so much more trouble.

I opened the handbook they sent us via mail. Terminal 3 was where I was supposed to go IF I wanted to get to the International Study Center on my own - not what I wanted.
So I re-read the whole thing. There would be a guy with a ISC-Herstmonceux sign. He would be wearing a golf shirt. BUT WHERE THE HELL WAS HE?? I'd been looking for him desperately ever since I got off the re-claim section. So I dragged by heavy trolley back to the airport. And since the rail was designed to be convenient for those who were going DOWN, it was so much harder to push it up.
I could see those people who give me kind of perplexed glances. But I was in such a panic I couldn't care less.

So I got back to the airport. WHAT SHOULD I DO? Should I call the Castle and tell them I'm lost? Or should I go talk to the airport people? I supposed that going to the airport info center would be more reasonable so I timidly appraoched and got in the line. (Or, as the British say, I queued up. ... is that the right spelling?) And I saw this woman wearing a black hoody that says "Queens" on the front. I was kind of doubtful but I took a look at the back and it said ISC: Herstmonceux.
Hallelujah! Right there I caught her attention and managed to get back into the groupe. No matter how out of place I felt, it was good to be back with people with the same destination.

Oh, and another great thing that happened: I tripped when I was getting off the bus, nearly spraining my ankle. Luckily there was no damage except for slight humiliation.

When we just got out of the airport...↓ Ryiko posed for the camera

Now here I am, writing about my first day in the U.K. as a university student.

But I really hate the fact that we're still being directed to go here and there. This whole week is packed with orientation stuff that are supposed to be fun. God. Why can't we just learn on our own, making mistakes? It's just like some kind of freakin' retreat we're doing here.
And, for that matter, why does everyone here look so young and act like teenagers?

Oh, I forget. They are teengares. They're what used to be Gr.12's.
I try to give myself a break by asserting that I am a year older than them.

But what difference does it make? I'm more hopeless than I am.
For now I'm very very very tense and uncomfortable. Like everything else, I hope, with all my heart, it will grow on me. I just want to go to classes and get worked up over essays and hw. (Maybe by then I'll hopefully be comfortable enough to complain about how much work I'm getting.)

Luckily my roommate seems very nice. But Ryiko is in a very panicky mood so she's trying to get us the same room. That's fine by me also. Either way, they're all strangers to me.

Yet I despair over the fact that I still have a hard time getting to know new people, especially in this kind of Caucasian-dominated environment. This is something I haven't experienced, thanks to the St. Pat's diversity...

I can't believe this is a place I'll live at least until December 13.
Like a newly appointed private in the Korean army, I might check off each day, hoping to get back home as soon as possible.
I don't want to feel this way... Why can't I appreciate what a fascinating opportunity I have like everyone else?

I'm so tired. I want to take a shower.
I'll post another piece asap.

Packed up

My room, my room, in which I spent 3 years of St. Pat's, trying to elude homework. I never did take a liking to this place because the walls are too thin and one can hear everything that's going on in the next room. Still I bet I'll miss my room very much once I head off to the cold, impersonal dorm in Herstmonceux.

I wish I could take my pillows, blankets and whatnot. As much as my mom's desperate to actually squeeze them in to the luggage, I don't think it'll work. Neither will I be in need of them. (Even if I do... well... what can I say?)

I really hope that I can pull those things together on my own. I'm really bad at asking strangers for help. And this would be the part where everyone goes: "this is your chance to break out of your shyness." ... Some people are seriously misunderstood...

This is where I'll study: the Herstmonceux Castle in East Sussex. At first I thought I would live here too (and was excited) but not exactly. The dorm is 10 min. away from the Castle. And I must say... it ain't lookin' good.


So this is it, isn't it?
The first time spending more than a week away from home. Right now, everything feels surreal. Tomorrow seems like any other tomorrows I've had. But it won't be. It will be something I'm yet to experience. I spent some time being terrifid of new possibilities, new challenge.
Hopefully I won't be such a coward when I actually confront the situation.

This is just a beginning for this blog. If you care to know how things are with me, visit me here often.

Well, then, au revoir and hasta la vista to you all.
I'll see you in December when I come back for Christmas.