As promised in the faithful orientation week guide, we did touring around the castle as well as the garden area. But before we did, we gathered in the ball room (sounds fancy but it's just a big room, nothing more) and listened to the staff introducing themselves. There was a guy from the Castle pub also and he sounded pretty funny. A retired police officer came to tell us to be careful when we go downtown. He kept on insisting that Sussex is the safest county in England and the part we live in is the safest in Sussex. Yet he kind of scared me with 'what might go wrong.' Now I'm too scared to go to even London. And I've been to London already. 
The Castle is, although it doesn't seem very vast, pretty big. It's actually worse than those 'so-big-and-empty' kinds (like UBC) because of its twisted design. The corridors are narrow and there are hundreds of doors. There's a room called 'Drummer's Room' and is supposedly haunted. The guide lady told us she's never seen it but people reportedly have seen a headless drummer boy or heard the drum. Weird... I know I won't go there. (The pub is named the Headless Drummer too so I guess it is kind of unofficial mascort...)
After this we went off to the field around the Castle with an old man who seems to be... I didn't know who he was. Anyways... It was possibly the most boring, fruitless tour I've ever gone. Still, I got to know someone from my group other than my roommate. She's timid around new people like I am. I'm glad she broke into the first conversation.
I'm beginning to understand why I feel so disoriented over here.
I'm a control freak and here I don't have any control over anything. In Vancouver, if I had problems at school, I could just deal on my own because it was a familiar environment. If I needed something, I would just go out to the marketplace and get them. Now... I'm breaking down. I can't even contact my newly acquaintances like I did back home. If I want to do something with them, I always have to go up to their room and knock. It'd been easier to knock had we had private rooms.
At the tour, I felt so alone despite the fact that I rather enjoy solitude...
It still feels like I'm dreaming. The half of my sanity doesn't want to accept this as the reality. When I woke up in the middle of the night, everything felt so surreal. It felt kind of sad. No matter how much I'd like to deny, I can't do anything about it. I guess not being in the homeground does affect me a lot. - But it is really weird that some people aren't.
I really hate this week's schedule. Everything's all about (alleged) fun and getting to know each other, everything we're supposed to be hopped up about and scream yay.
I just want to be left alone. I just hate the assumption, the assumption that believes grouping random people will result in making friends. AAAAARGH.
I'm so frustrated. I feel like I'm at some kind of crappy camp that I can't get out till Christmas.
Sometimes I feel like crying but I never let myself do so. I know, once I begin, I won't be able to stop it quite easily. I try to convince myself that being here is way better than staying at home.
My home, which I called the Versailles because of psychological wars and unseen spies. It was my home nonetheless...
So tired. I'm hungry but I don't want to eat anything.
